its still drizzling outside.

saturday
september 13, 2008
(9-13-08)
11:11a.m.
Right now i am siting at the kitchen table creating this journal entry.
its raining outside so it feels like one of those days where you should go back to bed or sit around and watch tv all day.
since i have today and tomorrow off i could actually do that if i really wanted to.
i really don't want john mccain and sarah palin to win the presidential race...
last night after i got out of work i came home and went back to bed.
the past week at work was almost really busy every day except on tuesday i think it was.
or maybe it was wednesday.
i think it was tuesday.
i really think it was wednesday.
we had one patient in the morning and that was right before lunch and then the afternoon was booked.
after twelve o'clock i'm going to go brush my teeth and let this computer do the updates that it so desperately wants to do.
so yesterday i didn't get out of work until 4:45pm so oh boy i've got 15 minutes of overtime yesterday.
15 minutes may not seem like a lot on one day but after two weeks of getting an extra 15 minutes each day during the work week really adds up on my paycheck, so that's a good thing.
last night after work i took a nap from five-thirty to seven pm and then i got up to go get dinner.
as i usually do i got my dirty clothes together so i could take them to the house to throw them in the washer and then i headed to panera to get something for dinner for me and mom.
before i left for panera i called mom's cell phone to ask her if she wanted anything to eat for dinner from panera but she didn't answer the phone.
so i then went to panera to get dinner and then go to my parent's house.
before i ordered i called mom again to see if she wanted anything.
this time she answered so i purchased dinner for me and mom and then i went to my parent's house.
nothing really all that eventful happened at the house, i put my colored clothes in the laundry and then i ate my dinner.
i probably didn't start to eat dinner until about eight pm so i was having some stomach pains and then after i ate the stomach pains continued.
last night i was also feeling kind of sick like i had the fever and sore all over and i think i was tire too.
i left the house at like nine-thirty i think and i went home.
when i got home i still wasn't feeling good...
i've been a little concerned that maybe i've got lime disease cause isn't some of the symptoms fatigue and fever like symptoms?
its not cold out but its raining.
several years ago i would of gone for my walk in this sort of weather but now i guess i'm just a wimp.
so last night i went to bed at like ten or ten-thirty pm and i kind of slept in until about nineish.
i think that will be it for now.

i wanted to publish this yesterday so i could say 'its friday bitches'! but i went to bed early instead.

tuesday
9-9-08
9:45pm
Right now I am sitting at my kitchen table creating this absolutely amazing journal entry.
as i stated in the title of the previous journal entry, work really did suck today.
other than that there really isn't much to talk about outside of work.
today i didn't get much of a lunch at work.
i get one hour for lunch but i think i spent maybe 15 minutes eating my cheeseburger.
most of the time when i need a full hour for lunch i don't get enough time to eat let alone taste my food.
other times when the schedule isn't so busy to the point where i could easily take 90 minutes to maybe two hours for my lunch i don't even come close to using the full hour.
at work today we had a full schedule.
i am the receptionist in the cat scan department and i don't care how many times you've been here before i still need you to fill out the same paper work and i still need to see your insurance card, and your driver's licence or some other official looking picture id.
most of the patients that come into to get a cat scan seem to have some sort of cancer thing going on.
every once in awhile i hear one of the patients say something and i say to myself, "i should remember that so i can i put it in my book when i get around to writing it," but then five minutes later i forget it.
i think that is almost it for now.
i was going to start telling you about sam.
her real name is samantha and her baby's name is cadence i think.
she was a student at my work for about a month.
in other words she worked where i work for about month for free.

worked sucked today.

monday
september 8, 2008
8:58pm
I am sitting at the kitchen table at my place and i'm creating this blog journal entry.
no one else is home because no one else lives here.
after work when i unlocked the door i realized the dead bolt was unlocked and i always lock the dead bolt so i knew someone had stopped by.
i think it was either mom or mike and i'm guessing it was mike, especially since i think he doesn't have work to keep him occupied, that stopped by here to grab the rest of the beer so he could take it back to the house to hide and drink when no one else was around.
my brother isn't suppose to come back around here anymore.
what if i wanted to drink the beer that mike had left behind?
that would be totally out of character for me but what if wanted to keep it around so i could have a beer every now and then?
or what if i wanted to give the beer to my friend chris?
i guess if it was dad or mom that came and took the beer or even if it was mike that came and took the beer they were still doing something that i feel that they didn't have a right to do...they came here without my permission and just went through my fridge and took what they wanted.
i'm not really pissed that they did that, i'm just trying to make a point.
anyways, its been kind of rainy all day, although it has not rained all day.
i think this morning it was kind of gloomy, it looked like maybe it was going to rain.
but i don't think it really started raining until sometime between maybe three and four o'clock.
today was a full day at work but it didn't feel really busy in a stressful sort of way.
tomorrow is another full schedule and its going to be just me and teresa.
the neighbors next door for the past couple of minutes have making a lot of noise...
it sounds like some of them are running around the apartment after each other.
over the weekend i found some spots and bumps on my neck that kind of made me worry.
the spots are on the left shoulder neck area.
the two or three obvious spots look like mosquito bites but i don't remember being bit by a mosquito.
those spots you can see with your eyes without really trying to look hard if you happen to catch me with my shirt off...
those one look like mosquito bites and from time to time i think they itch.
the ones that look like mosquito bites aren't the ones that really worry me because i'm pretty sure that they are mosquito bites...
but i'm still not one hundred percent sure that they're mosquito bites.
now it sounds like their moving furniture around.
the three or four bumps that worry me more are further up my neck whereas the ones that look like mosquito bites are more so on my shoulder.
there is one that feels like a pimple that is kind of behind my left ear and then there are two or three bumps that feel to be more so under the surface of the skin then on the surface like a pimple or a mosquito bite.
the area with the two or three bumps that i just described to you has been kind of sore since the weekend and the soreness has also expanded to my neck area below the joint where upper and lower jaw connect.
the soreness is not connected with my bones like if you twisted your knee...its more like a muscle soreness only i think it has to do with my lymph nodes.
in other words, i'm concerned that i either have some sort of infection or i have some sort of cancer.
the disturbing thing is i'm pretty sure that this has happened before and in the past i just kind of ignored it or just waited until it went away.
if these bumps don't go away by friday then i'm going to go to my doctor's office on saturday for urgent care hours.
i think thats it for tonight.

when i got home from work the dead bolt was not locked and the case of beer cans my brother had left were gone.

7:50pm
sunday
september 7th, 2008
Right now i am at panera just down the street from where i live.
well, i guess it isn't just down the street from where i live.
on tuesday as i previously told you about my brother was released from rehab.
and then he stayed at my dad's for several days before he moved back in my place on friday.
i don't know if mike is working yet, i wouldn't be surprised if he is unable to get his old job back...
anyways, he moved back in friday while i was taking a nap after my day at work so i didn't hear him come and i didn't see him either.
as i usually do on fridays i went to panera to pick dinner up for me and mommy and then i went over to dad's house and i ate dinner with mom.
i didn't really stay there long and watch tv with her, i just ate dinner with her and then i left.
after that i went back to my place.
i read a book for a while and before i went to bed i called dad and asked him where mike was.
he said that he didn't know and i told him that mike had left his phone here plug into his charger.
my dad was like, "so it would be useless to call him on his cell phone.
hopefully he is just hanging out with his friends and not drinking."
and sometime before we hung up he said something like, "if he brings home beer or if he comes home drunk then you give me a call."
and i of course said that i would and sometime after we talked i went to bed.
yesterday morning, saturday morning, i got up to go to work for half the day.
sometime during the night friday night when i was in bed mike came home and slept on the couch and turned the tv on.
during friday night sometime after i went to bed i got up to use the bathroom and i noticed that mike was downstairs with the tv on.
when i got up saturday morning to get ready to go to work i dreaded going down stairs because i was not sure in what sort of state my brother would be in.
would he be passed out in the doorway of the bathroom downstairs like he was once, or would he be passed out on the floor at the foot of the couch?
he was just sleeping on the couch with a beer can on the little table, and there was a case of beer cans in the fridge.
i didn't bother to check how many beer cans were left in the box i just knew that he had done what he wasn't suppose to do.
after i'm done here i have to go to meijers to purchase some power bars to eat during the week when i drive to work in the morning.
i have to go peepee now.
getting back to what i was talking about that happened on saturday morning...
instead of eating my powerbar on the way to work i stopped at burgerking to get two egg and cheese croissants and eat them on the way to work.
when i got to work i discovered that i didn't have any patients coming in until almost nine a.m. (and i start work at eight!) so i call dad to tell him that mike had been drinking.
my dad didn't answer the phone, which i wasn't surprised by, so i left a short message and i then hang up.
saturday at work was easy.
i actually left early, i was scheduled to work until one pm i think.
i left at about noon.
i got lunch on the way home from work and then i ate when i got home.
mike was still sleeping on the couch when i got home so i decided that i was going to eat my lunch and then call dad.
i called dad after i ate my lunch to see if he had gotten my message.
he did and he said that he would be there in about a half hour or an hour.
i told dad that i was getting ready to go for a walk and i asked him if i should stay until he got here.
he said that i could go for my walk but to take my phone in case he had to come and pick me up if he couldn't get in the house.
so i went up to my room to get ready to go for my walk and as i'm changing i'm thinking, "hopefully when i get home dad would of already come and got mike so i didn't have to see or hear the arguing that i would imagine will happen."
and when i got home from my walk mike and his car were gone but as i was walking in the door i was thinking to myself, "i bet he just went and got something to eat."
i checked to see if mike had taken his phone with him and then i called dad and asked if he had come and taken mike already.
he said that he did and that mike wasn't going to ever be coming back here and that dad wasn't sure what he was going to do with mike.
after that i took a nap and then i took my clothes over to dad's house to put them in the washer.
that's about it for now.

i'm going to wait until saturday to go look for cars.

tuesday, september 2, 2008.
8:23pm
right after work i went to quiznos just down the street from me to get a sub to eat.
it was ham and cheese.
after i finished eating i went up stairs and i took a nap for about an hour and a half...i got up at four thirty and then i was out the door by about five o'clock and i think i got home from my walk at about six thirty.
so yeah i'm kind of a slow walker.
i left work today at one pm because i get to work saturday morning!
i'm not really excited about working on saturday morning, that's is just me trying to be funny.
as i was coming home from my walk my dad pulled up in his car next to my place and when he did that i'm thinking, "oh damn it.
what the fuck now."
and then my wonderful brother gets out from the passenger side of the car and then goes inside the house.
and now i'm thinking, "fuck dad did say that he was moving back in until friday.
i bet he's just picking some stuff up."
it turns out that they came to pick up some stuff for mike and to get his car.
dad invited me back to the house to have pizza at like nine or ten tonight but i wasn't planning on going.
before they left to go back to the house to change the oil on mike's car dad asked me and mike who's tummy is bigger, mine or mike's.
and mike said something like his belly is bigger or mine was bigger, i forget what he said...
my reply after mike's reply was, "yeah but i drive a bigger car."
dad kind of laughed at that.
after they left i went to get dinner from wendy's.
i had a cheese burger and fries from wendy's.
and then after that this where we're at right now...
tomorrow after work i'm going to come back here and get ready to go back out and look at some used cars cause i think getting a used car is going to easier for me get right now.
to get a brand new car i would have to get a loan or something and take the time to look for the best deal and so forth...i don't like doing all that sort of work.
too much details...i'm not crazy about the details.
i'm not going to purchase a car today but i'm probably going to take a couple of test drives.
i'll make notes of the details and then on thursday or so i'll show dad the results.
on friday after work i'll...on second thought maybe i won't go that far into the future.
i guess that is it for now.

today is tuesday but it felt like monday at work.

sunday, august 31, 2008
10:14pm
right now i'm at my place and i'm getting kind of hungry.
today was actually kind of enjoyable.
my mother and i went to her oldest sister's house for a celebration sort of thing.
i guess it was a get together in celebration of labor day.
labor day is tomorrow and i don't have to work.
the other night i finished reading the book "fear and loathing in las vegas" and i have to say that its a really fucked up story.
i'll have to watch the movie to see how it compares to the book.
on friday i went out and met my friend chris at the bar at midnight.
i think the place is called buffalo wild wings.
its the one on twelve and mound so it wasn't too far of a drive or anything like that.
hell, i didn't even have to pay anything so that was cool.
after work on friday i went home and i went for a walk and then i went to panera bread to get dinner for me and mom and then i went to dad's house to eat dinner with my mom - for a friday this is normal for me.
but i forgot to bring my wash along so i had to wait until saturday to wash my clothes.
saturday was another interesting or at least something out of the ordinary happened but maybe i'll tell you that later.
and then after i ate dinner with mom i decided to take a nap for about an hour, i got up at about 10:30 when my alarm went off and chris called me on my cell phone to remind me about going to the bar.
so at that time i went back to my house and i changed and i did something else but i forgot what that was.
and then i went to the bar to meet my friend chris so we could celebrate his last day at which ever hospital it is that he used to work at.
on tuesday he is going to be starting at the v.a. hospital downtown.
two of chris's other friends were there as well but chris did most of the talking cause that is just the way he is.
i wouldn't say that he talks too much...he is just the stronger one in the conversation and i'm guessing that is the way it is with all of the relationships that he has.
they talked about several movies that i hadn't seen and a couple of them i hadn't even heard about, and they talked about some people that i didn't know or remember from high school.
apparently at the high school that me and chris graduated from had a female teacher that was a former body builder but i didn't know that because i never had any of her classes.
during our first two years of high school i went to a different high school and chris told us about how when he was a freshmen in high school the teacher that was a former body builder was teaching the gym class that he was in and she was pregnant at that time.
she was like at least six months pregnant because her belly was really big from what chris told me...
but anyways, they were playing softball and the teacher was playing catcher and she got hit in the stomach with a pitch thrown by another student and chris was on the sideline cause his team was up to bat.
when the teacher got hit in the belly she fell back flat on her ass and everyone went quiet for a moment but not chris...
for some reason he found that absolutely hysterical so he was laughing his ass off!
i don't think chris got in trouble and i think the baby went unharmed from that particular accident.
but the fact that he laughed at that seems now to be a little disturbing.
he also said that this same lady taught some other sort of class like health or something and in class she had these bodybuilding magazines that she was actually featured in and the students had drawned penises on her pictures in the magazines.
he went off about how when someone draws a penis like in the men's bathroom or something that the penises always look the same...
in the women's public bathrooms do they draw vaginas?
yesterday on saturday i went with mom and dad to see mike at the rehabilitation hospital but mom and i got there kind of late cause the muffler on her car started to drag while we were on 696.
as mom and i pulled out of the driveway at dad's house the muffler scrapped the ground because one part of bracket that was holding the thing on had come undone.
after i get ready for bed i'm going to go upstairs and masturbate before i go to bed.
so after the muffler scrapped on the driveway mom was like, "i'm not going to drive the car like this.
we're just going to have to wait for dad."
but i managed to talk her into driving anyways cause i didn't want to have to go with dad because i thought then i would have to wait until he left and i thought for sure that he would stay for the entire time, but he didn't actually stay for the entire time.
so the muffler started dragging along the ground on 696, we were probably going about 65 mph so the muffler made a lot of noise.
we pulled off the freeway a couple of blocks before woodward into this shopping plaza and then we called dad.
dad came there about a half hour later and he rig up the muffler with two wire clothes hangers so after that we didn't have any trouble but mom was worried that it wouldn't hold and she was like i'll have to take it in tomorrow or on monday and we'll have to drive your car to my sister's on sunday...
(keep in mind that this was labor day weekend.)
the cloths hangers worked just fine and we drove her car to her sister's house earlier today.
after we called dad and he said that he was coming to get us he called me back and asked me if mom had any hangers in the car and he explained to me that if i could find some hangers then i could try and fix the muffler my self and as he is explaining this to me i'm thinking to myself, "why didn't i think of that?"
my brother mike gets out on tuesday and tomorrow on labor day they have special visiting hours but i don't think i'm going.
i think my dad's going though.
i think my dad said that mike was going to return to my house on friday which i think is a really bad plan because i think that is just going to make it easier for him to start drinking again.
so i think thats it for the night.